When we’re towing the caravan we keep our car tyres quite firm for better fuel economy. But with the caravan safely stowed in the back yard we’ve been bouncing around town on tyres that are as firm as a tradie’s hard hat. When I complained about all this neck breaking bumping Woody decided to let them down a bit but discovered that his tyre pressure gauge had drowned in excess ice overflow from the ice fridge (please don’t ask, that’s another story). Off he went to the local Supercheap Auto store and came back with the pinnacle of tyre gauge technology.

This thing, that looks like an ear thermometer displays your tyre pressure in KPA, PSI and Bar depending on your preference. It comes with a torch for those dark nights on back roads and a red light torch which I’d imagine is for night visibility on a submarine, perhaps not. But wait there’s more… a metal hammer thingy for breaking windows, gee I’ve always wanted to do that. And…the piece de resistance…a blade for slashing your own seatbelt.

Now maybe I’m not taking this seriously enough but I’m starting to envisage horror movie situations here. The perfect scenario would have to be a puncture on a lonely dark road far from anywhere, Wolf Creek perhaps. You stop the car, flip the seat belt and nothing happens. It’s dark, black as pitch. There are night noises, crickets, the hoot of an owl, the blood curdling cry of a curlew hangs on the air. You grab your trusty new tool and slash the seat belt off. By the light of the torch function you change the tyre, you check the pressure of the spare tyre. Thankfully it’s got enough air, because you haven’t got an air compressor in the back. It’s then that you hear the car security system slam the locks down and lock you outside the car. Quickly you flip up the hardened steel hammer thingy and attack your windows like a banshee. That’ll teach the car a lesson or three! And the red torch light? You use that to find that damned curlew in the dark so that you can fling the pressure gauge at it.