Get Smart

It is a tiny fishing / holiday town with not a lot going for it except for its National Park, beach and river. As we check into the caravan park we realise that the manager must be working for ASIO (Australian Security Intelligence Organisation), she asks so many questions about us that I’m sure that she was even noting our eye colour. We plug our 6 digit code into the rusty boom gate and hey at last we’re in. The sites are shaded by pine trees which means there is no grass just a mess of pine needles, fine gravel and dog turds. We’re gonna just love this place. Vee hops about cursing as she picks up someone else’s dog shit in her dog’s bags. The gutters are deep and the sites awkwardly steep making it hard to pull in. Our neighbours give up trying and demand another site. Our tap has been blocked off so we have to run our hoses underneath the van across to another site’s tap and hope that we don’t trip over them. There is another 6 digit code to get into the old toilet block. It’s like winning the jackpot if you choose a toilet that actually flushes. Yes, this is what a bad caravan park looks like.

The family beside us have a late model Toyota Landcruiser and an old unroadworthy caravan that should have gone to the junkyard. “It is 46 years old, the same age as me” says the wife. It is a wreck and they throw an old canvas tarp across the roof to form an awning. I wouldn’t want to be sleeping in that.

Our happy hour turns into charades with the noise of the lorikeets shrieking so loudly that we give up and go inside.

Noise seems to be a theme as heavy rain thumps down after dinner and we have to watch TV standing at the sink inches from the screen just to be able to hear Masterchef.

Next day –

We certainly had our fair share of rain last night. Even the sandy park grounds have puddles.

Our neighbour, whom we suspect is gravely ill as she struggles to walk on a cane and has a sickly parlour, tells us that she didn’t sleep last night because the van leaked on the bed. That’s no surprise. They wrap the van up in the tarp and leave. Did I mention that they parked near the toilets to make it easy for her. Easy? The toilets are on a hill at the top of a set of steps.

 We can’t get out of this park quick enough. So quick that Vee throws the list of codes in the rubbish. We give her our code to open the boom gate and then find ourselves locked in, the code is unique. I go to the office and receive a 5 minute lecture on sharing codes before the woman from ASIO reaches over and presses the release button to open the gate. “Remember that for next time” she says, “There won’t be a next time” I mumble as I walk out the door. Then Woody remembers that he’s left the TV aerial up again…get me outta here!

Nice beach
Nice beach though

12 thoughts on “Get Smart

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